Currently Listening Fear of Pop: Vol. 1 By Ben Folds see related

gimme a breaksville

looks like its raining all day, and the small of my back hurts like a yak in heat.  it even hurts to sit on this wooden chair and type on the "world wide web."

again, i haven't really done anything interesting lately.  space jam was probably the big event of the week...but hopefully this week will entail more mischief and mayhem! remember the word mayhem? people don't use it enough anymore.  let's get back in the rhythm of things and start saying words that were popular way back when.  here are some suggestions:

-substitute "poop" for "fuck," i.e. for poops sake, poop you, etc.

-describe the word you're referring to rather than just stating it.  you could say, "i saw a mythical horned horse at the zoo" instead of "i saw a unicorn."  or you could try saying "i really have to shoot digested gatherings of waste out of the hole in my ass" instead of "gotta poop."

-read more choose your own adventure books, like the super mario bros. editions published around 20 years ago

-play hearts with the family!

see ya.

Currently Listening Space Jam: Music From And Inspired By The Motion Picture By Various Artists the r kelly one see related

quail tale

i didn't update yesturday, mainly because i was lazy.  and honestly, there isn't much for me to talk about today.  congratulations to syracuse on their big east championship repeat.  im trying to be as amiable as possible, and therefore i must stop writing about college basketball for a few days.

uhh...well i fucked my knee up running earlier today...at least, id imagine it was from running.  i don't really do anything else with my time in new york, and even the running is limited.  so yeah, im not running tomorrow (i think tomorrow was my day off anyway).  so there will be even more nothing tomorrow, which could be detrimental to my mental health in the long run.  take yesturday, for example.  it was approximately 3:00 pm, and my parents decided to watch a 1920's film entitled "metropolis."  i'd never heard of it, and i even tried to watch some of it.  it was shit, mainly because there was no spoken dialogue in it.  they didn't have the technology yet.  so i watched a movie that introduced (or at least, exemplified) the cinematic approach of combining live-action footage with animation: space jam.  this...is a great movie.  and i might just be saying that because i really liked it as a child.  or maybe i like it so much because i can so easily get over the fact that michael jordan is not a good actor by any means.  then again, ive always felt that argument was pretty fucking stupid.  in a movie where the looney toons have to settle an argument with five cartoon aliens through the sport of basketball, i feel the last thing we should be worrying about is the acting of michael jordan.  also, the other basketball players arent very good at acting, either.  i think they're pretty funny regardless.  i mean, obviously the whole movie lacks plausibility...for instance, when bugs and daffy are searching for MJ's shit, why would only one of michael jordan's shoes be elevated onto a shelf?  and even if charles barkley lost all of his talent because of alien mist, a girl still couldn't steal a basketball from him.

these are just two obvious glitches included in the blockbuster hit space jam.  starring michael jordan and bugs bunny.  runtime: 87 minutes.  rated pg for space action and violence.  this spring, get ready to jam!

i apologize for the countless non-sequiturs found in my post today...i haven't drank in a week.

Currently Listening Weezer By Weezer see related

uconn screws the pooch, tommy screws the hand

half of the title is true.  i believe some new combinations of obscene profanity may have escaped from my mouth today because cuse somehow (well...no, not somehow, someone - gerry macnamera and his last second threes) managed to take down #1 uconn.  honestly, i'm not as mad as i am amazed.  game after game that fucker seems to pull some magic out of his orange ass, and he deserves some respect for continually doing so.  he might be "overrated" when you refer to the first 39 minutes and 50 seconds of the game, but when it counts i'd take him over any other player in the nation.

but enough about g-mac, what about g-eiger (later renamed tommy)?  i had to take mark to the airport again, which caused me to miss (visually, i caught it on the radio) the first half of the cuse game...but it was ok since it wasn't even exciting until there were 7 minutes to go.  i ran, i ate spaghetti, i watched two episodes of full house...that basically sums up my day.  all the important things, at least.

during full house, however, there was a commercial sponsered by whatever clown ass company promotes the slogan "above the influence," and it really caught my attention.  for serious, i'm above the influence minus alcohol, and i honestly think that most drugs should in fact be advised against.  but they should really find some more logical and realistic ways of advertising.  i mean, fuck.  this commercial i just saw showed two girls, one who was certainly attractive, and who would very likely have unprotected sex with your high school's second string quarterback whilst smoking a joint, and another who was literally deflated.  she was also ugly; even if she was alive and well, she would probably be a third wheel for her hotter friend.  the hot girl states that, "she's all lazy and boring...we used to have so much fun together."  so, if you smoke pot, this will apparently happen to you.

i've met a fair share of hardcore potheads in my life, many of whom are interesting, fervent people.  it's coincidental, granted, but shit, if you're going to get high, why would you just sit on your ass and stare at your hot friend unless A.) you're a lesbian B.) you aren't actually high, you're just a tool, or C.) you're a vegetable.  the commercial should rather advocate the use of video games and other safe indoor activities when under the influence.  kids won't ever stop smoking pot - it's quite an appealing drug that isn't really that hard to attain.  so let's start addressing safe methods of marijuana usage.  remember the commercial where the stoned idiots were driving through a taco bell or some other cheap assed restaurant and they ran over a girl on a bike? well, they probably shouldn't have been driving.  if they had been, say, playing war of the monsters for PS2 the week after cross country sectionals, they very well could have had an equally fun time.  i guess my point is that they shouldn't have been driving in the first place.  pot can't get blamed for that...i mean, yeah, it can a little.  even so, we've got the wrong goal in mind.  we should make sure that marijuana is used only under comical and safe situations.  tell me what's funnier: shooting REAL clay pigeons high, or shooting duck hunt clay pigeons high? the former, obviously, but i fucking dare you to resist a game of duck hunt when you're blazed out of your skull.

Currently Listening Relationship of Command By At the Drive In see related

usa, notre dame...what the fuck guys?!

i won't say i'm totally disapointed in notre dame basketball at this point in time.  by now i've clearly become accepting of the fact that the team only consists of outside shooters (or shooter - colin falls, in particular) and a pretty solid leader in chris quinn (all-big east selection, and well deserved in my opinion).  game after game, though, watching big guys like torin francis and rick cornett (i'll exclude rob kurz for today - he came down with 11 boards and actually shot alright) fail to work well together and actually out-rebound a team is very upsetting.  another loss by 4 points or less to a big east team.  i dunno...irish in 06.  and hey, if basketball doesn't work out, the football team will already have won the national championship anyway.  can't get too greedy.

but apparently USA baseball is kind of shitty.  first, after only scoring 2 runs against the might mexicans - a team led by has-beens (vinny castilla) and never will-be's (luis garcia, karim garcia) - our guys managed to allow 8 runs and LOSE against the fucking canucks.  come on, america.  granted, adam stern had a hell of a game, and we did put up 6 runs and show some life in the fifth...but still, that's just embarressing.  i mean, its not the same as them losing to us in hockey...we sort of pretend to like hockey, sometimes at least.  now we're on the verge of not advancing to the next round, depending on how well mexico plays over the next couple of days...and of course, we have to beat mighty south africa.  clemens out to have a field day against them.  still, an upsetting loss to say the very least.  tommy sports didn't quite pan out today.

i tried to do a workout today...i wouldn't say it went horrible, but it certainly didn't go well.  the effort was there tho, and the first step outside is the hardest, as old boy garger would say.  also, that was my third run this week, so i have no excuse.

things are surprisingly entertaining at the house, though.  perhaps since i wasn't alone all day, or perhaps since i had some games to watch in the afternoon/evening.  either way, after scrutinizing the pros and cons of life's offerings today, i give wednesday a B.  its not a bad grade.  but, B does stand for bad, so tomorrow will have to show signs of improvement.  if not, masturbation and nintendo usage could skyrocket.  similarly, dog petting would also exponentially increase and we may see the benefits in just a weeks time.  i'm not even sure what i'm talking about anymore.  later.

Currently Listening Shake the Sheets By Ted Leo, Pharmacists see related

tuesday's so exciting!!!!!

just jokin! my life's still a boring mess of angry slurs (spoken through sobriety, surprisingly enough) and taped episodes of survivor.  it decided to be colder than yesturday today, so i decided to run 8 miles instead of 6.  it was a brave and ultimately poor decision on my part, as my face froze off by mile 7.  its allright tho, im still in tact (sort of, my leg kind of hurts).  anyway, today i ate a hamburger that i forgot to eat last night.  it was tasty, mainly because it only took 23 seconds to microwave and it came with a bowl of cinnamon life cereal.  however, as many of you know, one of my body's many unmitigated ailments is it's intolerance of lactose (in addition to wops and spics...just jokin guys, im allowed to say that remember?! but seriously, get out of my country).  i managed to sleep around seven to eight hours last night, and ive managed to keep a pink mardi gras necklace over my unkempt but irresistable brown/golden/black hair for almost two days now.  so word up.  but check it out, the world baseball classic is on now (usa vs. mexico at 4 pm), and notre dame gets to lose to g-town in ncaa hoops tomorrow night.  probably by less than 4 points, as is their custom.

but back to baseball: things are looking good for the tribe this year.  the loss of covelli is going to hurt, but not as much as people think.  look at his OBP from '05: .340...so, while his batting average is an impressive .300, he really doesn't walk much.  one of the biggest problem for young cleveland hitters is that they're too aggressive to show off their hitting potential.  but kids, we know yall got spunk in them bats.  make the pitchers your bitch, and take a couple walks so they'll toss you a couple of batting practice gopherballs.  so, yeah, coco is a great guy.  i'm going to miss him, but losing him isn't as critical as a bunch of people think.  .340 is not that impressive of an OBP for a leadoff guy - i think we'll be able to fill that void without too much problem, and if we can't, the switch from aaron "i am bad at major league baseball" boone to andy "i will be much better than aaron boone" marte at third will be so beneficial in the end; it's honestly difficult to find the words to describe what this kid will do for the cleveland indians franchise.

hmm...well, thats a long enough post i think.  i'm kind of tired of writing, too.  maybe tomorrow i'll go over the impact of losing kevin millwood, and why the paul byrd signing is only an improvement.  and of course, i'll write something that people care about besides me.  end sarcasm.